(via Google Talk) The setup: Ashlea wants a new computer, and this time, she’s thinking of going Mac. Ashlea isn’t aware that once you go Mac, you never go back. ZZZZING! Try the veal. Also, my Grandma — God bless her heart — is a complete, and total paranoid hypochondriac. She’s legendary for reading about [...]

www.toothpastefordinner.com (As written from my BlackBerry as I commuted to work this morning. I sent out a note via Twitter and immediately sent a text to my sister before I started my documentation.) 8:50 a.m.: Mega Pissy Metro Woman gets on at Prince George’s Plaza without incident. She sat down in seat directly beside me. [...]

I’m a really bad Facebook friend. There, I said it. Now there’s no way I can ever claim differently. Sure, I’m good at reading notes, checking out links, even commenting on status messages and pictures and making the occasional wall post to say hello. But the one thing I’m terrible with? Those effin’ applications. It [...]

At the end of an episode of COPS — from 1987 — I just watched on truTV, a long-haired suspect (with a stand alone mustache, I’d like to point out) just hand-delivered two boxes of donuts to the officers who arrested him. They appreciated his thoughtful gesture. I died a little on the inside.

So, tonight, after deciding that absolutely nothing could be found at Gap for the measly $50 in gift cards I had, we decided to use a $25 gift card to Houlihan’s in Herndon, Va. I’m for adventure! I’ve never been to Herndon before. Hell, I’ve barely been off the Beltway in Virginia. So, gift card [...]

This is the only picture I’ve been able to snap of her, but I look for her every day. I’m actually obsessed with figuring out her story. I don’t know anything about her other than she gets on the Green Line just after I do, and she also transfers at Fort Totten. Her name, to [...]

So – I’ll start this out with talk of my new favorite Web site, F*** My Life. We all have those kinds of stories that occur in a day where we cannot believe something just happened. Only some of us, though, are brave enough to post an FML story on this Web site. I have [...]

You know, I’m willing to bet 90 percent of people would never, ever own up to what I’m about to say. Stereotypes exist for a reason. I know, I know. Jacque, you racist pig. How could you say that? Isn’t this a time of peace and hope and change and candy canes and unicorns? I [...]

Dear Maryland, Hello! I’m Jacque. We met in passing on May 23 when I moved to you, but I don’t think we really got formally acquainted until I tried to acquire a drivers license from  you in February. Let’s just say our first date didn’t go very well. But I’m willing to forgive you for [...]

(Just know that when you answer that ad on Craigslist under “Casual Encounters” … this could be who’s waiting for you in their one-room apartment in a part of town that would make your mother cry.) I’ll go on the record, here. I don’t know much about Craigslist. I don’t even look at it that [...]