Nothing says the resurrection of our Lord Jesus quite like a healthy dose of psychotic behavior.
The next paragraph, penned by *cough* journalist *cough* Mark Hallburn, is taken verbatim from the “Enduring the New Hurricane Walmart” blog at PutnamLive.com of which I fully admit to being a faithful reader. (Only because nothing makes me laugh harder than watching someone scoot closer and closer to the edge.) I’ve decided to add some commentary (in red) through the post.
April 12th, 2009: Happy Easter. (Well, at least we got that out of the way …) While many wake up early to attend a Sunrise Service, I am awakened by a white Mazda MR2, with loud mufflers, roaring up Walmart hill at 12:13 a.m. (A Mazda roars? Really?) This guy is worth talking to. (Oh craaaaap!!) So when I drive over there, I meet a man from Texas who can BARELY speak English. (And, no, he is NOT Mexican). (First, Mark, I’ve read your writing now for two years. You barely speak English. Secondly … I’m glad you clarified that because he’s from Texas and doesn’t speak English, he’s not Mexican. As all racists know, all Mexicans are from Texas.) He says, “I’m from Texas, I didn’t know there is another way in.” HE DROVE RIGHT PAST IT! (Yeah, because someone from out of town’s supposed to know their way around effin’ Hurricane …) And, whether or not you are from TEXAS, you can SEE a row of houses, and KNOW you are driving a LOUD CAR! “I just bought the car,” he whines. (Dude, the fact that you even talked to Mark Hallburn instead of calling the cops says that you’re a better person than I am because the cops would have been my first call if that psychotic rhino was charging the car.) As if THAT and the FACT you are from Texas gives you ANY excuse to wake up a neighborhood at 12:13 a.m.! (What about being Mexican? If he was Mexican, would this be cool?) When I am visiting other states, I don’t wake people up at 12:13 a.m. with my LOUD MUFFLER!!! He needs to GO BACK TO TEXAS AND STAY THERE! (… aren’t you from California?) For a moment I think about calling out an ICE officer, (ooooooooooooooooooh!!) but I will be happy enough if this guy goes back to Texas, or even Asia, which is apparently where he is originally from. (Oh, so now, instead of all Mexicans being from Texas, all people who look Asian are from Asia. Damn Orientals!) Just as long as he NEVER wakes me up at 12:13 a.m.-AGAIN! Later in the morning as I was returning home from church, minding my own business, (Are you ever minding your own business, Mark? Really?) a car DROVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, (in front of Taco Bell) CUT ME OFF, AND ROARED (Do all cars roar? I have a Camry. It’s never roared.) UP THE HILL TO WALMART. After I complained to Assistant Manager Scott Mullins (and called police) HPD HARASSED ME, and REFUSED to look at the photographs of the customer coming after me and trying to grab me! (This may have something to do with the fact that they know you’re a raging psycho. I’m just saying.) The refusal of HPD to protect us and our neighborhood against Walmart’s out-of-control customers is APPALLING! Later in the morning, on EASTER SUNDAY, (In Jesus’ name!!) another car alarm goes off in Walmart’s parking lot. Remember, this happened LAST CHRISTMAS!!!!! Why won’t Walmart properly manage their property on HOLY HOLIDAYS?!?!?!? (I bet it’s because they’re Jews, and you know, you can’t trust Jews, right? If we’re using your line of thinking, Mexicans are from Texas, all Asians look the same and Walmart hates Jesus.) I send an email to HPD Chief W. “Mike” Mullins, but he does not respond. (Bravo, Mike Mullins. Bravo!)
I haven’t been to Hurricane since August when I was in West Virginia for a wedding, but I checked out the Hurricane Walmart. I also laid on the horn as I drove up the road, just out of principal. And because I’m not a good person.
Seriously, though. I can sympathize with a lot of noise. I live right on U.S. 1 about 10 miles outside of Washington, D.C. I have traffic noise nearly 24 hours a day. Horns nearly 24 hours a day. Screeching tires. Car alarms. All of it. I live above a guy just like him. A guy that screams and rants if someone walks from the kitchen to the living room and maybe coughs along the way.
But you know what? (oh, and here’s where I tell you, Mark, if you see this, don’t even pull that “put your money where your mouth is and buy my price-inflated house”) I don’t even hear it anymore. It just blends in with everything around it. It doesn’t wake me up. It doesn’t cause me to not enjoy television. It doesn’t make me prone to mentally unstable outbursts. I sat outside the Hurricane Walmart that August waiting for my oil change and I heard nothing like what I hear every single day in suburban D.C.
But what do I know?
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Oh my, you know of Mark Hallburn? I’ve been following his “persecutions” for years. I once made a negative comment on something he did a couple years ago and he called my office at the Marietta Register! He thought I had been bought by Hurricane.
I don’t remember exactly how I came to know of him. I think it was after he tried to get someone I knew fired for some perceived transgression a couple of years back. The night someone told me about his blog about Walmart, I read the entire thing from the beginning to that point and was fascinated. The stories I have been told by people who have come into contact with him, though, are priceless, and they all have a common theme — they “wronged” him and should be fired immediately.
I really am fascinated by someone living in that kind of delusional haze …
The real story is going to be when he takes his .20 gauge shotgun into the Walmart and goes “deer huntin’.”
Oh, no doubt. I made the prediction a while ago that he was either going to end up in jail or dead. I’m betting jail.
You know, maybe you should introduce this guy to the pissy Metro woman. Sounds like a match made in heaven.
The most amazing thing about this post is the picture.
“WALMART IS AS DANGEROUS AS PUTTING THIS FISH NEAR MY NIPPLE! OH NOMNOMNOM”
Didn’t he also break into a pool in Putnam County last year after hours? Or am I thinking of another yokel?
Yes! It was him. He got arrested for that, but the charges were dropped or he was found not guilty or something, and then promptly decided to sue everybody involved for millions of dollars.
Fury, I’m still laughing at OM NOM NOM NOM.
Now I know what I’m going to do next time I’m home … I’ve checked out this Wal-Mart already, but never at 2 a.m. with 99 Red Balloons blaring through the car stereo. Who says there isn’t anything for kids to do in West Virginia? They’ve apparently never been to the Hurricane Wal-Mart!
I’m telling you, be careful. You sort of look like someone of questionable American heritage … you know, ’cause we used to call you “The Arab” and all. He may shoot you because he thinks he’s protecting America.
I’d like to know how he identified the car as a white MR2 if this indeed happened at 12:13 AM. It’s been awhile since I’ve been “up home”, but I’m pretty sure it still gets dark a bit before midnight.
Second, if that car were indeed roaring up the hill, then it would’ve been going too fast for Fatty to ID it, unless instead of being asleep or in some other scenario warranting the peace and quiet he demands of 12:13 AM in BFE, Fatty was actually sitting at his window/porch/sniper nest surveying the hill with some sort of optics.
I think he just went over to that parking lot and looked for the first ricer with a coffee can exhaust that he could find, preferably one with a driver of color.
You’ve got a lot of the same questions I have with this post … Clearly, we’re not getting the real story with the “poor me” sad sack routine.
You’re telling me that you’re brought out of a sleep by a car “roaring” up a hill and in that short, disturbing span, you’re able to clearly identify the make of this car and have enough time to get in YOUR car, drive across to Walmart, pull up next to this guy and start your Asia-Mexican Inquisition. This doesn’t add up. You’re right — he’d HAVE to be at the ready to pounce. I mean, unless he sleeps fully clothed with shoes. Then he’s got to be awake enough to grab a camera (’cause I’m sure he wanted to take pictures) get there. It doesn’t add up. I don’t think he was sleeping, which in addition to making him a raging psycho, makes him a liar, too.
What a jackass. I think I found where to go on my 4 day weekend next month
My car would cause his dingleberries to go up in a bunch.
[...] At least today, that’s true. Since 8:30 or so, about 85 percent of my Web hits have all come from the same place. [...]
First of all I would like to mention, this is the best thing I have read in a very long time. I was fortunate enough to actually be walking out of the Hurricane Wal mart to my vehicle, which was parked in front of the “Mazda MR2″. Which before i forget, Mazda does NOT manufacture the MR2, Toyota does. So appearently his facts were incorrect from the go. As I was standing there watching Mark tear into a soon to be Wal Mart customer, I noticed the poor guy was not only shocked by what has encountered him, but looked like he was wondering whether he should just leave, or call the pshyc. ward. Unfortunately for him, Mark had not pulled up next to him, he parked his car directly behind him as if he were trapping him like a convict. Mark needs to realize he is not any type of enforcement. He doesn’t have the right to stop, block, or order people to leave the area. If he keeps digging his nose where it doesn’t belong, I am sure he will be dealt with one way or another. Another note: The Hurricane Police Department is doing a wonderful job protecting and watching over the city, and if one person can’t handle a car driving past his house, he might need to look else where for a place to call home, maybe “back where he came from”.
Hey, Mr. Framer! Thanks for stopping by! I’ve wondered for a while when this would finally make its way to Putnam County. I’ve lived out of West Virginia since May, but I still keep up with what’s going on at home.
Thank you for the compliment! What I said was my true instinct as I was reading. He’s really got a problem. And this vigilante style of justice isn’t going to get him anywhere. I feel awful for all of the people (like Mayor Edwards, any Walmart employee unfortunate enough to answer the phone, the PCDA, etc.) who have just been constantly harassed by someone who thinks the First Amendment protects his right to be a douchebag about a Walmart being built across the street. As someone who’s a legitimate journalist, I don’t kid around about that stuff. It’s not something to abuse.
I understand being annoyed that you lived in a neighborhood that got rezoned, but it happens all the time. I’m not saying that means you should roll over and die, but it also doesn’t give you the license to be a raging manic about it.
I’d happily have this conversation with him, but I have a feeling you can’t have a conversation with him. Just by calling him out, especially as someone who now lives out-of-state, I’m a bad person.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I’m so happy to have some local perspective! I’m always up for more, so if you have anybody else who would like to add, send ‘em my way!!
Thanks for the welcome! I think we all can agree on the situation. I actually have alot of people that have something to say, one in perticular. Was wondering if there was another way to talk to you without posting? Maybe an email? Thanks.
Sure! You (or your source) can e-mail me at girlofwords@gmail.com. You can be assured it’s all safe and off the record.
his belly button scares the hell out of me.
I’m not sure he’s seen his belly button in decades.
I. Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
*breathe*
Seriously. Some of the most entertaining stuff I’ve ever seen/read.
Thank you!!! I cannot even believe how many hits this post has. I’ve also gotten some great e-mail from it.
I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em. And this one was too easy.
[...] not as much as of party as our Easter festivities, our latest postcard from the edge has me scratching my head about a few [...]
Girl of Words is a village idiot. I live on the other hill next to Wal-Mart. It’s a 24/7 noisetrap. Our neighborhood has filed a lawsuit and we don’t even know Mark. I have a log of license numbers that charge up the hill. They wake me up almost every night. My window, like in most homes, is 5 feet from my bed. We are sick of this Wal-Mart that was shoved feet from our houses.
If you want to rip Halbrun, that’s your right. But have you ever talked with him? Have you every been here? Or did you read a blog and decide to flame him anonymously from elsewhere?
One other thing: I read his blog, and it isn’t racist. Perhaps when “reprinting” it you added a few things? Do you work for Wally World?
Hi, Mark. I was wondering when you’d show under some assumed name and talk about how awesome you are in the third person. I’m glad you showed up.
Now, let’s address the issue of accuracy, shall we? Your blog, in its unaltered state, was copied and pasted above the day I wrote that post. I even said, clearly, that my comments would be in red. I know you’re a little slow on the uptake when it comes to basic journalistic concepts, but “verbatim” is a fancy Latin-rooted word for “exactly as it appears.”
Now, however, when you pull up that post, miraculously, all of the snippets of your blatant racism are gone. Hrm. Curious. It’s funny how that happened and how everybody who has commented on this post also read what’s not there anymore. So, now, not only are you mentally unstable and a liar, you’re also a coward. You’re too afraid to stand behind the rantings you posted. I expect that from you. You’re a talentless hack.
If you would have READ this post before you took on your assumed, random identity to attack me and call me “a village idiot” (’cause in the two years I’ve read your rantings of a madman, I’ve never seen THAT phrase before), you would have seen that I HAVE been there. And I know exactly what happened. And I know you’re being unreasonable.
And Wally World? Really, Mark. The 90s called. They’d like their catchphrase back.
When you grow a pair and want to take me on as you, then come back.
How long have you worked for Wal-Mart? How long have you been Scott Edwards’ mistress?
Mark, seriously. You’re mentally unstable. If you would have looked at this blog (or actually, my Facebook profile) you would see that I work for a legitimate news organization, which is more than you can say.
[...] The Pride of Putnam County finally found my blog. Well, OK. Maybe not really. “John” (PutnamJohnny@gmail.com) has found my blog. He says he’s a neighbor and he doesn’t even know Mark Hallburn. [...]
Hey Mark? Why did you go an edit your original post? I read your original blog post as well that same day. Get a little red faced when GoW called ya out? You felt the need to change your post? Where is your backbone, pally? You may have been wrong but come on, douche, stand in your own crap and take it if your going to print it.
Seriously. This is what is wrong with the human race today. A lot of them can’t seem to understand what it is to making a mistake, facing it and learning from it. You all want to push it off and blame Wal Mart. In the end, Mark, I’ll be senidng you some salt from said Wal Mart.
It goes good with crow.
You can eat the salt yourself. It will help you when you swallow Edwards’ BS.
Jacque (yes I’m dropping the GOW, since you are now in debt to me for a drink) I love the picture you have of Mark, that fish he us hold… Adult blue whale
May 12th, 2009 at 6:14 pm 529
I just learned about this dialoge, AKA “Trash Talk.”
I worked with Mark at Cingular. He was a great guy. We carpooled for months after my truck was totalled in an accident. (Because I couldn’t afford a new truck for months). He rarely let me pay for gas from Barboursville. He said he was going that way anyway. I know Mark wasn’t fired from Cingular because I saw him write his resignation letter and give notice. He left for PRC.
I don’t read Putnamlive.com often because I live in South Charleston. But I have been to Mark’s house during the Wal-Mart construction. It was a Sunday afternoon and we couldn’t hold a conversation on his front yard because of the heavy equipment. Inside it wasn’t much better. We ended up leaving for lunch across town.
You may not like Mark’s views about Wal-Mart. That’s OK. But you are trashing a great guy. And that isn’t cool.
Dave, I ask you to please stop the copy/paste job on every thread. It’s unnecessary.
im a huge mark fan……….not………. i know a few people that are trying to piss him off so hopefully hell have massive stroke and end up in a nursing home….. and then we can see how he likes the bells going off in there 24 hrs a day he he he he he
Oh, how you brought joy back to my Friday afternoon! You crack me up!
Oh, though, how I didn’t realize what it would turn into when he flipped out and became obsessed with trying to discredit me …
i love to see i am not the only one who believes this guy is nuts,he blames walmart for all our problems,lol they are guilty of making money for the town and saving the broke people money lol,i just wish he would put a responce column on his page so i could tell him about his news lol and to stop stealing from the real news companys lol thanks nice day
When I first read your column I giggled for about an hour. That guy has been trash talking everyone in the city who has no intentions other than to make it a better place to live and trashing Wal Mart for pumping some life into this deadbeat city. I especially liked when you called him out for trying to out smart you and pretend to be someone else in his support. I have even heard a clip from a radio station in the midwest making fun of him. Oh my, the big City of Hurricane has finally hit the big time. Not for doing something good, or even bad, but because this biased poor excuse for a reporter has showed his behind too many times. He even picks on the police for doing their jobs and says they falsely arrested him for making a scene at the pool or telephone harassment, but he is the first to call them when someone has threatened to whip his butt. In my opinion, he would be much better off if he would report the facts instead of opinionated lies.
PS….. I love the pic at the top of the page.
carlos sanchez
If you think you can find that audio clip…. I think all of us, on this blog, would love to hear it. Maybe you can post a link to it on here.
give me a couple days and i will past the link to it. Its kind of long but I laughed till I cramped.
If you need to, Carlos, you can e-mail it to me. Your identity is safe.
ok i got the link but i need your email address or tell me where i can find it.
Hey Carlos! It’s girlofwords@gmail.com.
OK I emailed it to you. Keep up the good work!!!!!
It would be fun to create some kind of online rival news site. Then watch him really go insane.