As a good friend of mine would say, “America wins.”

(Updated to include the ever-changing entry at the Web site of origin, with key point highlighted in bold.)

Here it is, from today. Take it for what it’s worth:

May 8th, 2009: More excessive Walmart traffic noise disrupts our home. People continue to talking trash on the Maryland woman’s site. They seem frustrated that I had Twitter take down an unauthorized account/site. These people need a life! Civilized people don’t constantly disrupt their neighbors! I meet with an attorney and we work up the preliminary draft of the lawsuit against the Maryland woman for the content she has allowed on her blog that defames me. We should finalize the lawsuit Monday and serve it by Wednesday. I will be there when it is served at her employer, since that is the only known address for her. She was warned and failed to respond properly. It is sad that she allowed people to continuously post personal attacks on me on her web site. We will let the courts handle it. Later in the day, my lawyer calls me and informs me that the woman in Maryland doesn’t have any assets. While he is confident we can shut her site down, he is also confident that she will start another one minutes later. We decide to let it slide-this time. We can always sue later. Unfortunately, there are people out there that simply post blogs that allow people to do nothing more than launch personal attacks without posting their names. In the past couple of weeks, this woman has allowed her readers and “followers” to attack my weight, post personal property tax information, comment about my wife, all because we want peace and quiet in our home and on our property! Stick to the real issue, lady! But what can I say, she’s an “Arts and Entertainment” editor-she says. I wouldn’t be surprised if “Stalkarazzi” start hanging out across the street from my home to sell her a picture of me mowing the lawn! While her followers post personal info about me and my family, here at PutnamLIVE.com we act responsibly. We don’t even post such information about criminal suspects. We also omit witness and crime victim names from crime articles. I wonder how she would feel if I posted her tax records online? We will have to keep wondering, because I won’t stoop to her level!!! This all started because I objected to some idiot waking me up after midnight and told him so. Sad that an “editor” of a major city newspaper doesn’t respect the right of people to sleep at night! You would think major city newspapers would hire people that understand personal rights. Apparently, that’s not the case. Very sad!

Here’s my opinion, which is pretty well constitutionally protected:

You just owned up to an asset grab, which makes you lower than low.

Also, your lawyer (who, again, based on my opinion, got his credentials at night school) realized after actually thinking about it that this was a clear as day First Amendment case and it would be a giant, giant waste of time to haul you all of the way to Washington for a case you will not win.

Shut the Web site down on what grounds? Really? You want the case law on that, too? ‘Cause once you lobbed your threat, I had no less than six, actual, reputable lawyers in both West Virginia and Washington working on this, practically salivating at the thought of this case.

Speaking of Web sites, though, did you mention to the crack legal team how you Photoshopped my picture to get the red eye out and e-mailed it? Or that you instant messaged me about how to get a new Web site, or the times you instant messaged me about pop culture? Or where you sent me the link for the free KFC chicken that pointed me back to your site?

No? Didn’t think so.

Moving on.

I don’t have to verify my job with you, because clearly, by your own words, you’d checked it out and you knew enough to know where the building was, so certainly Lionel Hutz also knew what I did for a living. It doesn’t matter. Google it. Again. And they did hire someone well-versed in personal rights — the First Amendment.

Also, the First Amendment’s a bitch, isn’t it, Mark? You use that First Amendment like a security blanket when it suits you, but when someone actually uses the First Amendment against you, you freak out. You scream “public record!!” at the top of your lungs until someone pulls a public record on you. Here’s a helpful thing to remember: The First Amendment was not written to protect only you.

I’m not responsible for comments (there’s case law on that, by the way, make sure Lionel Hutz knows), but I think if I were you I’d use this as a learning experience to see that the people who do matter — those people in the same county as you — really, really have a problem with your tactics.

And speaking of “sticking to the real issue,” I’m also glad you brought that up. It’s hard for me, or anybody who comments, actually, to stick to the issue when you dodge direct questions. When you refuse to acknowledge legitimate questions, it sort of goes into a free-for-all. (See the epic thread for at least 20 legitimate questions someone in your position should answer, and see how many of them you answered. Your rate of return is next to none.)

And speaking of “stalkerazzi,” I direct you to these:

PCDA Walks Out on Meeting

Junk or Treasure — You Decide

Andes Skips Commission Meeting (but you fail to disclose that you’ve actually gone to his place of business)

Again, moving on …

Because I’m charitable, here’s some public info for you, so you don’t have to work so hard.

• I owed Maryland about $776 in income tax this year.
• I owed West Virginia $108 which was paid the first week of April. I don’t have personal property taxes in West Virginia because I don’t live there. Maryland doesn’t double tax.
• I do have a car, which I’m sure Hutz researched. The 2003 Toyota Camry was paid off in 2007, and given to me in my divorce (for irreconcilable differences) in the Kanawha County Family Court.
• I’ve never been arrested.
• I’ve never had as much as a speeding ticket. Maybe a parking ticket or six, but those people are ruthless.
• I live in an apartment because the going rate for a house in a good neighborhood here is close to $400,000, and when I got this job I had less than three weeks to move.
• I don’t have a pension plan because I cashed it out to move and to help cut expenses for travel for a critically ill parent all summer. (Hell, that’s not even public, I just threw that in there for good measure and to illustrate that trying to asset grab is wrong.)

You say, “This all started because I objected to some idiot waking me up after midnight and told him so.”

What you’re not saying is that in your original post, you describe actually getting out of bed, getting in your car, driving across the street and pinning the guy in the parking lot. You also said he was from Texas (“and no, he’s not Mexican”) and that he needed to go back to Texas or Asia or wherever he’s from and you got called on it. (And subsequently altered the original blog.)

So, really, let’s be honest here. That’s where it started. It escalated because you don’t like people criticizing you. Life’s rough. Better get a helmet.

I’m still actually amazed (though I shouldn’t be) that you owned up to an asset grab. I did a time/date stamped screen capture, so even if you change it, I’ll have it forever.

Tell Hutz to give me a call sometime. I really do want to pick his brain about the moment he realized he may as well set himself on fire.

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