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You know, as much fun as I was having tonight knowing that I’m universally hated in Putnam County according to its leading news source, something didn’t sit right with me.

Sure, there was a reason all of the letters came at once. Sure, it’s even viable.

But as I sat here tonight, as much fun as I was having writing back to these people, something didn’t feel right. It was a nagging voice. For a site he refuses to acknowledge on his own Web page, a lot of people sure were intimately acquainted with what goes on here. It just weighed on me.

See, my parents always taught me to listen to that inside voice. Trust your instinct. Go with your feeling.

So, I did.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is likely no big shock.

None of those people who wrote letters to the world’s most awesome news site are real.

Or, OK … I’ll be generous.

If they’re all real, none of them own property of any kind. No homes. No cars. No boats. Nothing. None of them pay any sort of taxes to Putnam County.

I invite you to click this link to the Putnam County Sheriff’s Tax Department and try any number of variations of the following names:

Randall Scott, Pliny
Earl MacArthur, Poca
Gretchen Williamson, Eleanor
Tom Potter, Hurricane
John T. Reed, Scott Depot

None of them turn up in any sort of White Pages search, either. Nobody with the last name MacArthur pays any sort of taxes at all in Putnam County. Nobody with the last name Potter has the first name Thomas. It brings you no results.

Weak, Mark. Weak.

I invite you to try to talk your way out of this one, but really, I’m not sure how you’re going to do it. You’re going to actually have me believe that none of these people pay taxes in Putnam County of any kind? None of them own a home? None of them own a car?

Again, you are the master of coincidence, so I’m sure it’s the case.

But if I were you, I’d probably take what little dignity I have left after this one and pack it in. You can’t talk your way out of this one.

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