Welcome to week two of “14 minutes, 59 seconds,” where we discuss some newsmakers of the week who just need to shut the hell up.
I put up for consideration this week two candidates who have made me, at separate times, roll my eyes and hope their larynxes fall out.
First up, Megan Fox.
Ah, men. You know her. You stare at her. And if she never opened her mouth (to speak) again, you could live happily ever after. Whether its calling the man who gave her a break “Hitler” or talking in the latest issue of “Rolling Stone” about how she would shoot her boyfriend if she had a gun, she’s never at a loss for a nugget of delicious wisdom from which we can all learn.
Via The Superficial:
On if she had an eating disorder:
“If I did talk about it, I’d be taking on a role-model status, and I’d have to choose my words very carefully, and I’d have to make sure I reveal it in a specific way, and I don’t want to do it.”
Sigh.
Our next candidate is perennial “Father of the Year’ als0-ran, Joe Jackson.
No, not this guy.
The father of Michael. Janet. … And a bunch of other kids. I’m just hitting the highlights.
Joe, who’s been shoving his beak in front of every available microphone since the death of his son, you know, The King of Pop, decided to issue a statement this week to let the world know how he felt about Kanye West’s unfortunate behavior at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards.
“I don’t know what he was doing, he jumped up on stage and snatched that microphone out of that poor girl’s hand. They should blackball him out of show business for that. He just leapt up there, that was bad.
Ah, yes. Because if there’s anybody I’d like some life coaching from, it’s that guy.
So, your choices are before you, friends and readers. Now’s your chance to vote.
Last week’s winner: For our first installment of “14 minutes, 59 seconds,” we had a landslide. Overwhelmingly, more of you decided it was Jon Gosselin who should shut the hell up. He earned 74 percent of the vote to Levi Johnston’s 26 percent.
Well played, voters. Well played. Only time will tell if this week’s winner will be as clear. They’re both pretty in need of a roll of duct tape applied by force.
(Got a suggestions for a faceoff? I’m always looking for potential “shut the hell up” candidates. Either drop a comment or e-mail me by clicking on the little envelope at the top of the page. Make sure you tell me why, though. Everybody wants their mother-in-law to shut the hell up.)
Popularity: 1% [?]
1) I don’t know why you’re attempting to curry my favor by posting my favorite ’80s nostalgia song, you’ve already got it. (Sorry, “Shout,” you’re a close second.)
2) The other Joe Jackson needs to shut the hell up more because so far, Megan Fox hasn’t personally screwed up any kids. Maybe she’s done some damage through leading by example, sure. But if you’re like me and just watch movies without reading celebrity news, she’ll be just another chapter in the “Okay, we get it, she’s hot, can we move on?” series.
And really, Joe, you’re competing with apparently off the record comments from the president on that whole deal. Your opinion on the awarding of the VMAs is about as important as that of Kanye’s: Unless you won something, you’re supposed to just smile and nod.
I voted Joe Jackson because I’ve never seen a bigger idiot in my life (next to Marion Berry). Sorry JJB.
Oh…and I would certainly use the duct tape on Megan Fox…if ya know what I mean.
::beams a smile::
I voted for Joe Jackson. Megan Fox is just way too hot to punish. Unless she likes that sort of thing. Rawr
Megan Fox really should be eaten by a pack of wolves. I almost think being eaten by wolves is too good for Joe Jackson, you know?
Megan Fox should definitely be seen and not heard, but Joe Jackson should be neither seen nor heard.
I apologize if this is broadly overgeneralizing (though how else would you overgeneralize?), but it seems to me that, regardless of gender, a person reaches a certain level of hotness and you just can’t be bothered with it any more. You look at someone that hot and realize they must devote all their time to hotness and none to anything that would make you a thoughtful human being. It’s a guns and butter situation, you know?
Can you imagine if she was actually intelligent? OMFG. I’d tattoo her name to my junk.
I’m not even talking about intelligence, though. I’m talking about being an asshole. She could have movie-starlet looks and a doctorate in nuclear physics and I still wouldn’t want to hear her evade questions about eating disorders because she couldn’t be bothered with it.