Dear LenDale:
Hey! It’s me. Jacque. You may remember me from picking you (well, and dropping you today) in her fantasy football league draft. No? OK. Well, it doesn’t matter.
Anyway, I’m writing you today on behalf of Tennessee Titans fans everywhere. (I know one pretty well, and he’s really effin’ pissed off, man.) See, last year, you did this after the Pittsburgh Steelers lost to you in Nashville.
Not cool, LenDale. Not cool.
But you know what’s worse? You haven’t won a regulation game since.
You lost the next week in Indianapolis 23-0. You lost your playoff game to the Ravens (… the Ravens, LenDale) right after that.
Eh, it happens, right? No big deal. There’s always next year.
But it turns out … this guy? He didn’t forget about Sunday, Dec. 21, 2008.
That’s Myron Cope, LenDale. The guy who invented the Terrible Towel. He died in 2008, but he’s pretty much the Patron Saint of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and when you stomped on that towel at the end of that game, I think Myron took it personally.
It’s just unfortunate for you Myron’s got pull with fate. Because, well, he’s pissed. And you sort of owe him an apology.
Look, let me lay it out on the table for you … You’re 0-6. You’re worse than the Washington Redskins, the Detroit Lions and the Kansas City Chiefs. You couldn’t buy a win, and as I type this letter to you, you’re down 59-0, and it’s not even the fourth quarter.
LenDale, it’s time you call someone — at this point, anybody in the 412 area code will suffice — and say you’re sorry. Tell them you’re sorry for stomping on their team symbol and maybe Myron Cope will let up.
Oh, but you’re not superstitious, you say. I get that. Most people aren’t. Sure, you lost your defensive coordinator, but talent-wise, you only lost Albert Haynesworth, and well, let’s be honest. Albert’s not really talent. (And he’s Dan Snyder’s problem now.)
There’s no other worldly explanation for your team’s woes, so logically, the only thing we have left to presume is that Myron Cope is repeatedly making you his bitch … all because you thought it would be funny to pull some punk move on the sidelines for CBS’s cameras. Good move, ace. Good move. Now everybody’s suffering.
So, that’s really my advice. You can take it or leave it. It’s your call. But I think your team — and the millions tens of thousands of fans — deserve something more than what they’re getting. I hear Myron’s a reasonable enough guy. I’m sure if you just say you’re sorry, he’ll be cool.
At this point, do you really have anything to lose? At all?
Love,
Jacque
PS: Coincidence that you got carted off the field today with an injury? I’m not so sure.
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All I have to say is GOOOOOOOOOOOO PATRIOTS!!!!!!
It still makes me mad that this “professional” had to act like a jackass on television. And we know how his post season went last year. It appears he won’t have to worry about any post season this season. They were behind 45-0 and the game was removed from the line-up and another more interesting game was shown.
I’ve been talking about the Cope Curse with a smile since game 2 this season. In reality, I thought the Titans would have won by now. But they haven’t. God I love Myron Cope and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Ugh. I loved and hated this post. Loved it because it’s spot on. I really believe this curse.
Hated it because, man, JBB, the two shots at the ‘Skins is like salt in my wounds tonight.
::heavy sigh::
[...] Yes, that Towel issue. [...]
If there was one person, living or dead, I wouldn’t want haunting me it’s Myron Cope. The terror of hearing “Yoi!” and “Double Yoi!” whispered from the shadows should make LenDale repent his sins. He’s probably going to have to not only apologize, but also make a substantial donation to the Allegheny Valley School to make Myron go away.
I just laughed out loud at the thought of Myron whispering “Double Yoi, LenDaaaaale.”
Creepy!
You’re right, though. LenDale may need to rectify this situation not only with an apology, but also with a hefty check.
Welcome to the blog, by the way! Thanks for stopping by!