The answer to all of life’s problems, apparently, is when you get busted for doing something stupid, immediately have some kind of tearful apology and then … go to rehab!
You’re out! ESPN cans Phillips; he heads to rehab
Apparently, I’ve been doing this wrong my entire life.
As I was reading this on the Post, I sent an IM to Trusted Adviser to opine. Fortunately, she humors me often with my ranting. She’s irreplaceable to me.
Me: Oh, jeez. Why is it when you get publicly humiliated, your first move is to rehab?
Me: I want to go to rehab.
Me: I’d love to have a 28-day vacation where I get to sit around, do oil paintings and talk about my feelings
Trusted Adviser: Who is going to rehab now?
Me: this guy from ESPN who slept with the 22 year old production assistant
Me: ESPN fired his ass, so now he’s “going to inpatient treatment to address his personal issues”
TA: Lord…
Me: I have tons of personal issues. I am afraid of old people and mushrooms make me panic.
There’s mushroom and old people rehab, right? I mean, I’m not like “Maury Povich” show afraid of mushrooms and old people, but I’d just as soon never be around either of them. I love my grandmother quite a bit and it makes me increasingly anxious to be near her the older she gets. The only time I ever ate mushrooms was when Trusted Adviser put them into risotto and they tasted suspiciously like pine nuts. To this day, she regrets ever telling me they weren’t pine nuts.
(Shudder.)
So, I thought we could discuss more notable trips to rehab. We all have a favorite, don’t we? Or is that just me? The celebrity gossip maven with a penchant for loving people who are about to come unhinged?
Popularity: 1% [?]
I want to know what some of these people go to rehab for. I mean it appears there’s a special rehab for people who do stupid things but you have to reach a certain pay grade to go. Which is so unfair to normal broke people (like me) who need a rehab to teach me not to be stupid in the future.
Yeah, the Post story didn’t say what Steve Phillips was going to rehab for other than “his personal issues.” Maybe it’s alcohol, but it doesn’t say.
As one commenter on the Post said, the rehab is for the trauma of waking up the next morning realizing you just did unspeakable things to THAT girl.
Most “celebs” go to rehab hoping by the time they come out the heat has faded off and something new is generating the next media frenzy.
I tend to agree. Though, I think in the case of Steve Phillips, he’s thoroughly hosed.
Yep…he’s already declared to be jetsam from ESPN. Next will come the trip to the cleaners at the divorce hearing.
Poor sap better enjoy the peace and tranquility while he can.
Wait … do you just love me because I’m about to come unhinged?
Ed Podolak went to fake rehab for basically just being me, and now has his job back……so, I guess justice still exists.
Michael: That’s just one reason!
E: Yeah, you know, that’s true. It gives me a sliver of hope, too.
We joke at work about making suicidal comments. It gets you 72 hours up on the third floor, happy meds, a quiet room, three meals a day PLUS snacks, and it’s covered by your insurance. I actually broke it down for my boss today and she was laughing. Nice quiet little vacation covered by South Central Preferred Insurance. And since its an over night hospital dtay, I dont even have to pay my $50 copay!