Oh, Samsung. You are so on my list.

Yesterday, after referring to a run-in with PNC that made me “want to drink and punch a kitten in the face,” I made this picture in Photoshop. Later, I was telling my friend Michael I needed to save this picture to bring out for the posts I write in which I’m angry about something. Not just mildly annoyed, but sincerely pissed.

Well, kids. It was all of 12 hours before I was able to crack the seal and put it to use. Congratulations, Samsung, for being the first winner of the Punch a Kitten Award.

(Insert falling confetti and noisemaker sound effects here.)

For the Reader’s Digest version of this entry, I can sum it up in a few words: Do not buy a Samsung television, ever. I don’t care if it’s the only one in the store. Wait, or go somewhere else, because I assure you with all of my soul if something goes wrong with this television and you’re out of warranty date, you will need to have K-Y handy for what’s coming. Knowing this, if you choose to buy a Samsung TV, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

For those of you new to the show, back in October 2007, I bought myself what I called the “Man TV.” I had just moved into my new townhouse after becoming separated from my husband, and it was the first major purchase I ever made for myself. It was completely awesome. The TV was everything I could hope for and more. It was with me in good times, and bad, through many, many episodes of “To Catch a Predator,” “COPS” and “Cheaters” and through a move to College Park, Maryland, so I could start a new job in D.C.

And then in November, just a short two years and one month from when Man TV came home, he slipped into a coma.

This is the only thing I’ve been able to watch on Man TV since late November, and you only get that picture after it makes about 723 clicking sounds and finally catches enough to turn itself on. Through research at Google, I learned this is a known problem with Samsung TVs.

Hold the phone. What was that? That’s right. I said: “I learned this is a known problem with Samsung TVs.”

So much of a known problem,in fact, that back in October 2009, a Samsung HD technician posted on a CNET message board an offer to repair the televisions of 50 people at no cost.

The other thousands of us, however, are just screwed. Fail.

But let’s come today, which is arguably one of the worst experiences I’ve had with customer service in my consumer history.

After having a hard time finding someone local to repair the TV, I agreed to have a Samsung technician come to the apartment to have a look. In early December, I wrote about doing the cost-benefits analysis of having it looked at rather than totalling it, and after my win in the fantasy football league (Go Prince George’s Rage!), I had enough money to put toward repairs.

I had enough money, of course, because at least five times, the scheduler I spoke with said the in-home visit would cost $75. If I chose to have the TV fixed, the $75 dropped off. If I got the estimate and chose to not fix it, it was only $75 (plus tax, she said five times).

A technician showed up at my apartment today, and, well, about the only positive thing I can say about this visit is that the technician showed up in the window of 10 a.m. to  2 p.m. as promised.

I’d done some research the night before the visit, just so I could bring Brandon up to speed on exactly what’s wrong with the box. He was home from work today, so it would be he who would have to deal with the technician, not me (and God help the tech). After getting him brushed up on it last night, I said, “In my research, it’s clear these capacitors are what’s blown, because the TV still turns on. So, just ask the technician to please replace the capacitors, and tell him an entirely new power supply isn’t necessary. We’ll start with the capacitors, and if those fail, go from there.”

Pretty cut and dry, yes?

The technician arrives, and brings with him a new power supply. He opens the back of the TV, and even tells Brandon, “Oh, yeah, right here. I see the capacitors are blown.”

Brandon asks him to just replace the capacitors, and … wait for it …

The technician didn’t bring any capacitors with him. He only brought an entirely new power supply.

What’s the difference, you ask? About $150 to $200, right off the bat.The tech tells Brandon the new power supply is $275. The capacitors will run about $190.

Brandon tells the tech that replacing the power supply isn’t really in the budget, so if that’s all he’s got, then we’re not OK with the estimate, and he can pack it up and go. The tech goes to his truck to “check for capacitors” (which, in retrospect, I’m sure was about as half-assed a look as could be) and comes back without any. Then, the tech takes it upon himself to tell Brandon that if we wanted the “cheap” fix, we should have been up front about that when scheduling the appointment.

Here’s where I tell you that I did. I told the scheduler I was pretty confident this was the blown capacitor/power supply issue, so I’d need some new caps, and we’d be good to go.

Samsung, here’s a tip: Don’t ever, ever tell your techs to tell someone what they “should have” done. That’s bad, bad form. Oh, and how about part two: Send your technicians into a repair job fully equipped with everything they’d possibly need to complete the task.

The tech packs up and tells Brandon, “That’ll be $134.”

What?

Brandon tells the tech exactly what I was quoted: The service call is $75, period. If you choose to not have the TV fixed, it’s $75, and we go our separate ways.

That’s when the tech decided to tell Brandon that the minute he takes the back off of the television, the charge for an hour of labor starts.

At this point, the Samsung tech had been at the apartment 15 minutes, at the very, very most. Also, here’s the key part of this point of contention: At no time did anybody, when I scheduled the appointment, explain at any point there was a labor cost involved in the estimate.

You want to know why that pisses me off as much as it does? I’m smart enough to walk into a room and look at a TV and say, “Yep. It’s broken.” I won’t even charge you labor for that.

Oh, Samsung. Such a foul.

Brandon loses it, the tech calls the dispatch, Brandon talks to the dispatch and all he pays is $60.

After that fiasco wraps, I post to Twitter (at 11:55 a.m.): “Just had the worst experience with @Samsungservice tech to fix my TV. If you own one of their LCDs, hope it never breaks, or you’re hosed.”

Almost instantly (less than six minutes, actually), their proactive social media team jumps into overdrive to wrap me in a Snuggie of belief and to try to stave off any possible posts that may let others know they frankly suck. They ask me to direct message to them my contact information, and I did. Both my e-mail address and my cell phone number. I also told them to please advise their techs to show up with parts needed to fix and be honest about all of the fees when scheduling appointments. Maybe they didn’t like the last part.

At 2:40 p.m., I post, “After an aggressive pursuit, nothing but silence from @samsungservice. Little weak on the follow through, lads. A little weak.”

At 3:45, Samsung responds: “I apologize for the delay. I’m researching the issue.”

(Really? What’s to research? You essentially pulled a bait-and-switch to get someone into my home to overcharge me for a defect in your product.)

At 3:48, I simply respond: “Talking to me directly could have shed the light on that pretty quickly.”

At 3:49, they again come back with: “Someone will reach out to you today.”

At 3:52, they come back, again, with: “I understand and I apologize. I just wanted to communicate with the service center and parts first to resolve this quickly.”

At 4:10 p.m., I respond: “I get that. I’d bet they’re not pleased with me. Then again, I’m furious about being overcharged for known defect.”

At 6:48 p.m., I post: “Another three hours, and still nothing from @samsungservice, even after being told someone would reach out to me today. Well done.”

You know what’s disappointing? Not only did Samsung completely fail with fixing the television, their “efforts” (and I use that term loosely) at customer service failed even worse. Do not lie to a disappointed customer. I’ve already told you I’m upset with your service. It makes things worse if you tell me someone will reach out to me today and nobody does.

So, at the end of the day, I still have a broken TV and no faith that Samsung will ever do anything proactive to change that. Maybe they could have saved me as a customer if they would have followed through with an effort to contact me after this afternoon, but blowing me off like that tells me they really don’t care about my happiness as a customer, and care even less that I will never, ever recommend anybody buy one of their products. After today, I cannot in good conscience encourage anybody to buy any Samsung product, which is sad, because up until this, it’d been a good run.

What’s the end game? I found a local shop, thanks to Economic Friction, and I’ll set up an appointment with them, unless someone from Samsung wants to actually step up and help me out, here. I’m not optimistic. I’m just disappointed.

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